Going Back Home

Mika Nakashima

Mika Nakashima – Going Back Home

Titanium

The Sage

“To find love you must love yourself first.”

“What kind of love do you speak of?” asked Riley. “Is it the love of a mother towards her newborn babe?”

“Caring and compassion in love it is, but it is more selfish than that,” replied the sage.

“Is it the love the youth bore when he gazed upon his face in a pond?”

“Boldness and pride in love it is, but it more selfless than that.”

“And what of the love between friends so dear, the bonds that are forged for life?”

“Trust and honesty in love it is, but it goes even beyond the bounds of friendship.”

“How do I know when I have found this love that is for myself?”

The sage closed his eyes and pondered deeply. Finally, he said:

“Ask me again in one hundred years, and perhaps then I will have the answer.”

Focus

The next four months will be a crucial period of my life, and if I’m not careful then all this investment and time and money will have all gone to waste. I’m always reminded of why I’m here when I have my weekly conversations with my parents. It’s good to remember because it’s easy to forget yourself when everyone around you is so different… so well to do. I had always thought I wanted to go out in the world and “help all the suffering people” but what I really want to do is be able to let my parents retire early and not have to work so hard all the time. And all that hard work has virtually been just for me and my brother; all our toys, our fancy gadgets, our classes, our education, Cambodia, France, and London. The unfairness of it all hits me like a truck but that’s why I have to grow up and stop letting fickle distractions stop me from seeing the true objective. My brother, who knows what’s going to happen with him, but all the more crucial this trial becomes. I have to remember, keep reminding myself… I already know all too well what the bitter taste of regret is like.

Scraps of Life

26-31

Today is Friday, the second last day of the year. It’s always this period between Christmas and New Year’s that feels like a neverending limbo. I can’t wait for the weekend to be over already. There was a time when I’d become very excited during those last few days of December – I can’t remember when it stopped. On Tuesday I went to get a hole poked through my ear. Now I look at myself in the mirror when I wake up and try to imagine myself without it. I feel really self-conscious when I’m outside, as if the stud were a flashing beacon that shouted, “Look at me! I have a piercing! That says a lot about who I am!” However, when the healing phase is over I’m going to replace it with an even subtler gem (right now it’s just a ball). I know what my plan is today: read, haircut, gym… read more. Tomorrow is Saturday, it should be like every other day, but I already dread staying in tomorrow night. I’ll have to go somewhere, maybe see the fireworks even though I hate crowds and congested streets. Maybe go on the rooftop with some of my friends here? What I’d really like to see tomorrow is a meteorite crashing right outside my window.

Hatchling

Once the glasses are off, I suddenly realize everything is still exactly the same.